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LEKTORÁLÁS RÉSZLETEK

Eredeti szöveg - Original text

...She felt like a kid in a candy shop. She jumped from tree to tree, examining the strange plants. She just couldn’t get enough of what she was seeing...

A probléma az, hogy mind a három mondat SHE-vel kezdődik. Ezáltal a fogalmazásnak együgyü és darabos érzete van. 

The problem is that all three sentences start with SHE, giving them a very choppy feel. 

Javított szöveg - Corrected text

...She just couldn’t get enough of what she was seeing. Hopping from tree to tree, she examined the amazing and strange plants, like a kid in a candy shop...

Eredeti szöveg - Original text

...He inherited this giant villa from an elderly millionaire. This lady was like a grandmother to him. This women went through a miserable childhood with six siblings. She became millionaire through her husband. The night when our lady met her future husband was a miserable rainy cold night. After finding her boyfriend cheating on her she was sitting on a bench at the railway station waiting for the first train back to Vienna when a tall and handsome man in a nice suit offered her his jacket. They talked all night through and got married soon. This was the moment when she met the frugal millionaire mindset by marring a man whose family owned property investments in Vienna. The lady never wanted to have an own child, because she thought that having children cost a lot of money. Even though, this lady never experienced motherhood she looked at G as her own grandson, she helped him to learn German and gave him not only salary, but left him the villa in her will...

Javított szöveg - Corrected text

 

...He inherited the giant villa from an elderly millionaire, who was like a mother to him. She had a miserable childhood, grew up with six siblings, but ended up marring a wealthy man whose family owned property investments in Vienna. She met her future husband on a cold rainy night, after finding out that her boyfriend had been cheating on her. She had been sitting on a bench at the railway station, waiting for the first train back to Vienna, when a handsome, tall man in a nice suit offered her his jacket. They talked all night and got married within a short time. He was the one who introduced her to the frugal millionaire mindset. She never wanted to have children, because she thought that having children cost a lot of money. Even though she never became a mother, later on in her life, when she met G, she looked at him, as her own grandson. She helped him learn German, hired him as her assistant, and in the end, left him the villa in her will...